Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

QUOTES lifted from Dr. Paul Brand and Philip Yancey’s book entitled “Fearfully and Wonderfully Made”

1) Sometimes when uncertain of a voice from its very loudness, we catch the missing syllable in the echo.  In God and Nature we have Voice and Echo.  Henry Drummond

2)  To be a member is tohave neither life, being, nor movement, except through the spirit of the body, and for the body.  Blaise Pascal

3)  We often think that when we have completed our study on one, we know all about two, because “two is one and one.”  We forget that we have still to make a study of “and.”  Sir Arthur Eddington

4)  Whereas American mothers preserve, often in bronze, their children’s first shoes–celebrating freedoma nd independence–a Japanese mother carefully preserves a small part of her child’s umbilical chord–celebrating dependence and loyalty.   Stephen Franklin

5)  We cannot live for ourselves alone.  Our lives are connected by a thousand invisible threads, and along these sympathetic fibers, our actions runas causes and return to us as results.  Herman Merville

The Measure of a Man

While trying to apply the idea of wisely managing my time in the Province, I stumbled across an old book about “The Measure of a Man,” written by Gene A. Getz (Getz:1974). The book listed 20 specific characteristics that are marks of a man of God.  The book explored Paul’s letter to Timothy and Titus to form a powerful  profile for testing a Christians’s maturity level.  The basis, of course, for which the book was grounded can be found in  I Tim 3:1-7 and Titus 1:5-10.

 Interestingly, below is the combined list of this spiritual qualifications:

1. Above reproach

2.  Husband of one wife

3.  Temperate

4. Prudent

5. Respectable

6. Hospitable

7. Able to teach

8. Not given to wine

9. Not self-willed

10. Not quick-tempered

11. Not pugnacious

12. Uncontentious

13.  Gentle

14. Free from the love of money

15.  One who manages his own household well

16.  A good reputation with those outside the church

17. Love what is good

18. Just

19. Devout

20. Not a new convert  

 It is a must read book.  So i write…

Andrew Rivera’s Top 30 Fave Songs

1. Dearly Loved - Jimmy Needham

2. Firefly - Jimmy Needham

3. When Did You Fall? - Chris Rice

4. I Trust You - James Fortune & Fiya

5. First Love - Utada Hikaru

6. Noypi - Bamboo

7. Seasons of Love - Jonathan Larson ‘Rent’

8. Iniibig Kita - San Miguel Master Chorale

9. Burly Heart - Daisuke Ishiwatari

10. Life Goes On - Tupac

11. Love Song for No One - John Mayer

12. Hollow Years - Dream Theater

13. Boy - Timmy Cruz (kailangan ng pangpraning na songs)

14. Out of my League - Stephen Speaks

15. Go the Distance - Michael Bolton

16. People Change - Rockapella

17. I Think God Can Explain - Splendor

18. Think Of Me - Andrew Lloyd Webber ‘The Phantom of the Opera’

19. Turon - Kamikazee

20. Could You Be Messiah? - Gary Valenciano

21. Jesus Freak - Chasing Victory

22. Captives Come Home - Run Kid Run

23. A Little Fall Of Rain - Claude-Michel Schönberg ‘Les Miserables’

24. Meant to Live (Acoustic) - Switchfoot

25. Awit Ng Barkada - Apo Hiking Society

26. Jesu, Joy of Man’s Desire - Johann Sebastian Bach

27. Diesel Power - Prodigy

28. Mahirap Talagang Maging Pogi - DaPuli

29. Bohemian Rhapsody - Queen

30. Hallelujah Chorus - George Frideric Handel

 just sharing to everybody... “,)

Credits (http://www.facebook.com/friends/?filter=afp&ref=tn#/notes.php?id=562839056)

The Leadership Baton

Next week, I am having a report on the basic principles of the ethical standards of public official and employees.  Well,  my very clever teacher gave us two weeks writing period to come up with (and i mean just copy)  this module that she gave to the class as an example.  The material was conventional and bookish.  A high school graduate could very well have written an even better output.  It was way too “lesson-plan” type which does not work well with me. Not at all.  So, before boring you about my tirade of complaints that is neither interesting nor significant, i want to share this inspiring quotes i got from reading the book “The Leadership Baton.” (Forman et. al., 2005).

On motivation (powerful words that can shape one’s future, say this to someone):

“Jeff, when I look at you, I see a lion.  You are young, playful, fun to be around.  Yet when I realy look at you, I see more than a lion cub.  I see a lion.  I see someone who has such leadership strength.  I see someone whom God is using and will use to do incredible things for him. I am just glad to see the lion cub becoming a lion.”

 The book emphasized the transition on developing leaders to acquiring one.   Jeff, one of the authors started that we should put on the eyeglasses of potential.  Jeff shared that in a conversation with Rick Warren, the latter advised that ” if you want to build an equipping church, you have to tear down the idol of excellence. Why? Because most people are not excellent; most people are not extraordinary.”

The book introduced a leraning process that is wisom-based (courses), relationship-based (community), and personal (mentoring).  Its goal is to develop servant-leaders who know God (head), exhibit Christlike character (heart), and are effective in ministry and mission (hands).

The author gave this scenario as an example. A wife asks if she must obey her husband when he tells her not to take kids to the doctor because there is no money to pay for it.  Her dilemma raises theological questions about submission and the nature of marriage. It raises questions about a mother’s responsibility to her children. It forces her to compare the value of physical health to the imporatnce of obeying her husband and the desirability of avoiding debt.  He went on to say that we all wrestle with practical decisions everyday. Some of these decisions involve important theological issues.  Fortunately, he suggested the wisdom based development design.

 Which leads me to say that this is a must read book.  You’ll probably adapt a life-changing point of view applicable to any emerging or existing leader.

Memoria de mis putas tristes (Quotation)

“I have not done anything except write, but I don’t possess the vocations or talent of a narrator, have no knowledge at all of the laws of dramatic composition, and if I have embarked upon this enterprise it is because I trust in the light  shed by how much I have read in my life.  In plain language, I am the end of the line, without merit or brilliance, who have nothing to leave his descendants if not for the events I am prepared to recount, to the best of my ability, in these memories of my great love.”

“I discovered that my obsession for having each right thing in the right place, each subject at the right time, ech word at the right style, was not the well deserved reward of an ordered mind but just the opposite: a complete system of pretense invented by me to hide the disorder of my nature.  I discovered that I am not disciplined out of virtue but as a reaction to my negligence, that I appear generous in order to conceal my meanness, that I pass myself off as prudent because I am evil minded, that I am conciliatory in order not to succumb to my repressed rage,  that I am punctual only to hide how little I care about other people’s time.”

“Inspiration gives no warnings.”

                                                                                                                                                                  —–Gabriel Garcia Marquez,

                                                                                                                                                            Memories of my Melancholy Whores      

heart of the matter

“It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.”
–Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Random Thoughts

To be honest, i don’t know how to begin with this one so let’s just get on with the title.  Let me start by saying that it’s a lot more easy to say something and not mean it than to mean something and not say it. 

Its my first time to travel out of the country alone and i would like to mention some of the best and worst memories i had during my April 7-14 Singapore trip. 

First, nobody knew that I was detained in a police station for an hour. This really sounds funny now that i’m writing it but during that time, it was a bit shocking and unforgetable.  For the story, Pam and I were planning to go on swimming in Sentosa when we decided that its better to drop by Bishan first so we could ask some directions to his guy friend. Guess what, we got lost. And during the time that we were looking for that damn apartment, we passed by the police station.  Out of sheer ignorance coupled with naivity and curiousity, i attempted to take a picture of the building.  Guess what, it was prohibited.  *Chuckles* Of course, you already know what happended next.  The police officers were far from furious but they were suspicious as expected.  By detained, i mean just an interrogation.  They just looked at the camera’s content, inquired about my identification (thank God i brought my passport with me that time or it would be a grave offense for a tourist) and just made some phone calls to verify that we were not terrorist or something. Harhar, this was lesson number one. Read the signs to avoid something stupid.  When we went home in Yishun, it became a common joke for us. I only fully absorbed what had happened when we were allowed to go.  Its good that people Pam’s boyfriend did not overreacted, in fact he made some plans for us to forgot the incident by inviting to play tennis and letting me wander or play around like a child using his newly bought bicycle.

Second, i love how Pam and I catched up with our life stories and recalling how people change or how time and distance can separate or join friends.  I love the honest comments that I got from her, the confrontation, the frankness, the naughty,silly topics that we brused aside. I love hearing updates from her about  common friends, enemies, acquaintances, other-friend’s-boyfriends and more. In short, i missed the long talks and not to mention the buzz.  I do know that when it comes to personal matters of the heart, there are things that are better left unsaid.  

Third, i want to give credit for Pam’s thoughfulness in involving the household and shelling out money for my despedida party.  Her seafood fettuccini was sumptuous and delighting.  I knew how much effort was made to cook that especially because we were really tired that night and she sacrificed an hour or two of her very valued 10-hour-sleep. Hehe!    

Aside from the new places that we visited, new food that i wonderfully consumed and new culture that I learned along the tour, i am more astounded by how the said countries’ system and progress is a reflection of good governance and effective fiscal management.    Boy, how i yearned to witness and apply the same cutting-edge technology and discipline among our people and in our native land. The people have equal access to good public transporation, high job employment rating, 80% of the people own an HDB (Housing Dev’t Board), insurance and health care…its so ideal and livable!

Lastly, i think that its a great learning experience to work there. I actually would like to convince Pam to return and reconsider her decision to be an expat. Honestly, right now i just plan to fulfill the scholarly obligation to serve by penetrating into the grassroot level of society but i am considering to come back.   

And I will.

I will come back and be healed.  I will come back to be gone a little longer. But not now, not now.

Sweet Rendezvous

Introducing Thyrone–the smartest kid i met in Naia on my departure day. Of course, there’s some inserted pictures of Kuya Kim.      

Who is the Real You

This is from an archive article I read in Cleo magazine (Singapore), November 2007 issue. In a study conducted by  anthropologist and author Helen Fisher ,  she started looking into why people fall in love with one type of person rather than another. After an extensive study of thousands of people from 17 countries, she came up with an answer: Four Personality Types– The Builder, The Negotiator, the Director and the Explorer. All these types are affected by a high level of one particular chemical in the brain. Here’s the gist:

You’re a Builder…

When you’re influenced by serotonin–a feel good chemical associated with hapiness, sociability and feelings of calm.

You are conscientious, loyal, managerial, outgoing and dependable.

At work, you’re great at managing people and knowing what needs to be done to get results.

With friends, you’re usually the centre of the friendship group plus you’re loyal and dependable.

In love, you’re a good match for unpredictable and spontaneous people. You bring stability into their lives.

Best match with the explorer.

You’re a Negotiator …

When you’re influenced by estrogen– a female hormone associated with emotion, intuition and creativity.

You are selfless, imaginative, sympathetic, socially skilled, flexible, verbal and idealistic.

At work, you’re articulte and great at dealing with everyone. Solid people skills mean you excel in team environments. A negotiator’s downfall in the workplace is that they’re so keen to please everyone that they end up saying yes to everything, and often load themselves up with far too much work and as a result, burn themselves out.

 With friends, you’re the go-to person.

In love, you want nothing less than a soulmate.

Best match, good with all types.

You’re a Director…

When you’re influenced by testosterone– a male hormone associated with rational thinking, energy and strength.

You are analytical, focused, daring, logical, direct and goal-oriented.

At work, directors are very often the boss, or at least on the fast track there.  You’re ability to be logical and rational gives you a really good business mind.

With friends, it’s a matter of quality and not quantity for you.  Directors have high standards and expect much from their friends.

In love, your high standards get even more intense. Directors need someone to balance them out and quite often the flexibility of the negotiator is the perfect antidote.

Best match with the negotiator.

You’re an explorer…

When you’re influenced by dopamine– a “pleasure” chemical, which is assosiated with the feelings of curiousity and spontaneity.

You are a risk-taker, impulsive, curious, adaptable and optimistic.

At work, you may jump from job to job, because you get bored easily and hate rules. However, explorers love a challenge and when they find the right environment, then they’ll excel.

With friends, you’re the life of the party.  An explorer’s boredom threshold is easily tested in the social envirorment and you need lots of interesting people to hang out with. But even though everyone loves your company, you often prefer being alone and having your own space.

In love, your energy and optimism can be contagious and people like you, but as with work and friends, you get bored with potential partners. 

Best match with the Builder.

People can be a mixed bag of the four personality types, but generally there’s one that truly shines.   Hope you find this a ”fairly enlightening experience.”

Vicissitudes

   Displaying varied human emotions, we knew that our friendship has it’s own version of  vicissitudes. She is my friend now working in Singapore.  We intend to spend more time together. And with her company, I am considering to clinch the deal in staying longer. Albeit, we both know that my visit is transient and I would have to leave soon. I’ll miss this time. *wink*

DAMNED

I am damned

lost in the dark abyss of confusion

sinking deeper into the big “D”

Hiding into the black curtain of oblivion.

I am damned

Damned from soul-searching introspection of my identity

Damned by the gods of my selfish desires

Damned by my own will

Damned with no chance of escape

I am damned

In laughter, in light, in bliss.

I am damned and it feels great.

I am damned because I am human.

I am damned and I still exist.

I am damned with a life.

I am damned with priviledges.

Damned with responsiblities.

Damned with love.

I am damned from conception to grave.

Damned to see the sunrise.

Damned to witness the sunset.

Damned to smell the flowers.

Damn I am damned.

Incubus-"Drive" Music Video (Acoustic Version)

First Cut is the Deepest by Rod Stewart

Warm-up Movie

This morning, I’ve had a nice watch on the movie entitled “Catch & Release.”

Its a winner, recommended for the super insomiac (just this time) people like me.

Just sharing, thanks. 

Gibberish

Gibberish                                                                                                                              March 26, 2009 12:50 am

I recently discovered that whatever truth there may be, it is first and foremost a story. A story that only my cynical self has dared to probe.  A story that has no substance but a mere opinion, hearsay, a futile train of thought.  A philosophy that is so common we ignore it even exists.  This is a story of the myriad irony in this thing called life.

First, let’s talk about the social aspects of inequality.  It has always bothered me why society has a form of stratification since time memorial.  In any culture, there is a universal hierarchy, a form of superior-subordinate relationship.  Not that I insinuate oligarchy because I do believe that abolishing the former will only make things worse in terms of social order and harmony but the thing is, for most of us it has become a reality that we just started to accept. The modern age equivalent of the white, male, tall and western man is the dominant culture in American society and in our own colonial mentality; we still adhere to the standards of Uncle Sam’s ideologies.  Well, enough of our being “indios” I think the little-brown Filipinos should start recognizing their own accomplishments without any more depending on the say of dignitaries in the “land of the free and brave.”

Here’s a related but not similar example. Why do certain Filipino athletes’, Filipino Pop-stars, Filipino geniuses who bring honor to the country need to be recognized abroad first before we recognize them in our own country.  Does international standard necessarily overtake national ones?  Or is it just but natural for us to take pride in foreign awards and recognitions instead of treating our own as the best ones? It doesn’t make sense.

Second, I really hate and at the same time wonder the hypocrisy and mediocrity of the Philippine Educational System. I’m referring actually to the whole educational idea per se.  Yet, I myself am a victim and a number one patron, so sue me, yes I qualify for mediocrity.  Criticism aside, I think that there is a form of serious imbalance in the way the system works. 

For one, how many professional graduates do we produce each year and how many among them get employed for the first 6 months.  I’m there, the demands are low and the supply is high but how about considering shifting focus from white collar jobs to blue collar jobs.  And who says that only graduates can have a higher chance of getting ahead out of life. I personally knew some, even in my age or my batch, who ventured into business (even starting with really small ones like cart-types) yet gradually it paid off.  Well, this is not just talking of measuring success or progress in terms of financial gain but more on the self-fulfillment of proving one’s worth.

Here’s a funny scenario we see at home.  When parents start verbalizing their dreams for their children, they usually start by giving them a good education so that when the students (their children) graduate, they can land a stable, well good and (let’s say) high-paying job.  Is becoming a mere employee of the government, or that multi-dollar, private company the end of the dream?  How come others are brought up to think that way? Wouldn’t any parent suggest or dream that their children be the proponent or visionary leader of something that is unimaginable.   I think the world would be a better place if we just transcend the accepted caliber of excellence.  And it will even be a lot better world if we start to apply or actually put into practice what has been so easily conceived in thought.

Another irony or dilemma that is so common in the actual educational curriculum is the absurdity of ideas or theories that we so readily absorb.  I often think about how many times I have dealt with the question “who ever invented this theory?”  Especially when the lazy self gets the better part of me, I stop and question the sensibility of learning a theory so rampantly abused or misused in the real-world politics.  It’s a vicious cycle and system that is just hard to break.  And who am I to suggest or even thought of creating a difference when I myself cannot be disciplined to deviate.  It’s all gibberish.  It’s all just classical and rhetoric.

Lastly, I wouldn’t want to cross this point but I will say it anyway.  I see a great deal of problems rooted in the belief that I will call (for this article) “the lie of trusting one’s life in faith but not supporting it with works.”  The Philippines is the only Christian country in Asia yet we see all forms of corruption and wickedness.  Of course by biblical standards, man has a fallen, selfish-nature and we inherited that very nature to sin but is this the end of the story.  Definitely not, because we are created with a free will and God’s perfect plan only materializes when we do our part and exercise that gift to choose.  Now I’m already sounding like a preacher here and not that I am an expert in morality or matters of the church but we know that we can always choose.  We choose to be righteous or we choose to do wrong. Wrong in the sense that it will not be for the common good.   In its basic premise, we harvest what we plant.  Life reverberates and actions have consequences.  Faith is not a mere abstract word we use by simply mentally saying we believe yet do nothing about the situation.  This explanation is stupid.  I know it does, it’s a very basic “you-know-already.”  Anyway, it’s so ironic and surprisingly generic that even in our day-to-day “bahala na” values it is being accounted to as faith.

Well, so much for my weary-wary thoughts, I think it’s time I get some sleep.  So here’s a goodnight for now. Oops, morning!!!   

23

Today is my 23^rd Birthday.  I’m a little ecstatic but more of overwhelmed. 

Now it’s 12:30 in the midnight and my birthday had officially elapsed, so let’s rewind a little bit and talked about today.

There was nothing extra-ordinary or fancy about it but somehow, something significant really happened and I cannot allow my memory to escape this time.  Here’s my list of the 23 people I commend for appreciating, remembering, and sharing with me my unforgettable 23rd birthday.  Cheers!

1. Mama    -               I love you Ma, thanks for the Singapore trip surprise
2. Ate Twinkle -         Thanks for the card
3. Ading Dexter -      Thanks for buying the rose
4. Dad -                      Thanks for driving me and for always preparing my water every morning
5. Ading Angel -        You’re a little out of mood but thanks for waking up early
6. BJ-                           Thanks for the sincere greetings
7. Vina-                       Thanks for taking the pictures and for talking to me in the phone until this very minute  just to check if I’m okey. Thanks also for scaring me but oh, please I’m trying to write here. (okay turning off the phone now, bye)
8. Lola-                       Thanks for the breakfast
9. Cousin Peng-         Thanks for bearing with me in looking for that lacy, lacy lavender blouse that I
10. Insisted on using (though it was unfound and probably misplaced until today)
11. Cousin Glenby-     Thanks. Even if you didn’t showed up because you left the house too early
12. Cousin Vergel -     Thanks for the silent nod and reactions.  I know we’re so noisy and loud but you just observed around, smiling in your seat.
13. Kuya Roland-        Thanks for cleaning the office
14. Marife-                   Thanks for honestly forgetting and immediately hugging me the moment you knew14.    Ma’am Precy-       You’re always kind to me, thanks for dropping by in the morning and waiting for me so we can get home together in the afternoon.
15. Ma’am Vio-            Thanks for the Hug, for the concern (checking out on me), and the stories
16. Sir Abet (LAU)-     Thanks for the greeting and the shyness.  You’re always humble, timid and a gentleman.
17. Sir Steve-              Thanks for the greetings.
18. Sir Rene-                Thanks for the kiss (so chummy) and for allowing me to go on a leave on   Apr  6 -8, 2009.  I badly need a vacation.
19. Sir Neil-                  Thanks for singing a birthday song.
20. Ma’am Mayet-      Thanks for being the first one to greet me in the email
21. Sir Mark-                Thanks for greeting me the moment I told you
22. Derylle-                  Thanks for the pretty flowers delivered via email (you have a beautiful heart young lady.)
23. Ma’am Len-          Thanks for being the last person to call and greet me in the office (before logged-out, somebody still remembered)

This is supposed to be just 23 but the list continues.  I also would like to extend my gratitude to the following people

Kuya DARWIN-                     Ate Twinkle’s boyfriend working in Manila (I’m glad you texted, I was so happy and excited hearing that beep)

Ate Jen (C. of Combank)- You are so beautiful and prudent ate.  Making mention of the Trip to Cebu and sharing other escapade plans with you had me something to look forward to. Special thanks for the food. It goes out for Ambot and Fe as well.

Ambot (Combank)-              Thanks for the hug, girl. And the charms, simply seeing your face lights my day.

Sir Jerry (Cureg )-                 I really appreciate your dropping by the office to shake my hands, very warming.

Ma’am Lhen (new accounts)-            Thanks for the gift.  That’s really awesome, to know that somebody bothered in the branch and to think that we’ve only known each other for a brief time.

Mhina-                                   I love you girl.  I didn’t know that you’re back since Monday, and sorry for the short notice assignment in Santiago, I’ve already arranged to move it for next week (Mar 30-April 3) with Ma’am Merlie.  Anyway, thanks for saying yes in acting as reliever in lieu of my vacation leave. Meant a lot to me.

Sir Dick (branch MO)-          Thanks for the jokes.  You are quite a fun lately, you’re always cracking jokes.  Far from the stern Sir Dick that I knew before.

Sir Boyet -                             Thanks for the teasing and updates for my lovelife. And the silly advises.

Ms. Lotus-                             Thanks for the greetings. Thanks for mentioning the salary loan application. Upon confirmation that it will be sent to your branch, you sincerely appreciated the gesture.  At least, it made me realize that I did something productive this week.  Let’s just wait til it’s delivered.

Kuya Alex-                             Thanks for assisting the applicants and directing them to my office.

Kuya Marvin-                        Thanks for paying the Country Club bills payment in Union Bank (I can’t imagine life without messengers like you)

Kuya Roland-                         You made life a little easier for me. Double thanks for preparing and dishing out the plates we used.  Thanks for that last minute additional “pakwan” merienda.

Ate Joan-                               Thanks for being the last person who sent the greeting through a text message   

Ate Kiana-                             Thanks for the YM Greetings

Cheeky-

Ifever I forgot to mention somebody…you were either apparently out-of-sight or I never heard anything from you. Except for the pre-greeting calls I received from APO pipz.

Time is swift.  People come and go.  Things change. Circumstances cause us to leave or go elsewhere.  But the work must go on.  People move on.  Life continues to revolve and people constantly evolve. Time is unstoppable.  And by 5am today, I’m going to meet the Governor and talk about my transfer.  As for my present job where I am currently connectied, I still don’t have a fabricated story for the reason of my half-day leave (hope I can be back in the office before 10am today).  Yesterday, I turned 23.  This might just be the biggest change so far–shifting in another career.  I’m not sure if I wanted or needed this.  But got to decide soon. I’ll make the decision, I’m sure. I just need a time off so I can think it over (one and a million times)                                                             

    Morning!!!!Have a long-day ahead, valerie

Letter to my Niece_let’s talk about your Dad

March 22, 2009                                                                                                                                  Sunday 1:30 pm

MY DARLING LOVE

This is me becoming sentimental.  I wanted to express the cornucopia of emotions to my first niece. Her name is baby Khriz Daniel Dimayuga-Lopez y Claveria.

Sweetheart,

When you grow up, I wanted you to understand that it is essential to give you a vivid picture of my relationship with your father—my brother BJ—based on my own point of view and for the time being. It’s absolutely not the best brother-sister relationship that you’ll discover but we either accept it as it is or we don’t have any. 

It’s my only way of connecting to you.  I can’t make up for the lost time, for the absence, for missing out your formative years, for not actually being there, at your side.  Nevertheless, I am constantly reminded of God’s greatest blessing to this family—you my niece—and there would not be a better way to appreciate the gift than to thank the Giver and recognize the instrument He used in giving you to us.  The person I am talking about is Vincent George or BJ, and he is my brother.

I decided to write an article objectively narrating the background of a redeemed man—Ading BJ. This is a time when he learns that although God’s salvation is a gracious gift and cannot be earned, the richness of this salvation does depend largely on his effort and discipline.  It does not come automatically and his journey called for sustained, determined effort.

I honestly hope that I can translate my insight into something more tangible in years to come…  Despite and in spite of the truth that I’ll be revealing, it will not change the fact that we love you. I’ll delay no more.

Let me first introduce myself to you.  I am 22 yrs old as I am writing this simple letter and you are a year and four months old.  Your Dad and I (for most of the time, I can’t trace how it started) does not go along well.  We oftentimes develop a clash of opinion and as I am more argumentative and he is more provocative, this created a rift that is mostly demonstrated in non-verbal communications.  We are trying to settle some individual differences but I guess the scar of “not-trying-to-talk-about it” in the family with the expense of not aggravating the hurt paid its price. 

Consequently, Ading BJ developed the very bad habit of venting out his frustrations in drinking liquor with his friends and going home wasted.  The attitude is upsetting and unacceptable that I started to become annoyed and pissed-off.  It’s not a good sight or solution when I start nagging him to change but I can’t tolerate his sense of being irresponsible. I cannot stomach his mindset of crab mentality. And it seems to me like he wants us to be infected with his cloudy and hazy, grim misfortunes. That’s just utterly pathetic. 

I really admit that I am not interested in listening or trying to understand his illogical self and all his frustrations.  I thought he should figure that out for himself. But it occurred to me just now that it’s nothing personal. Not as bad as it sounds either. As a matter of fact, I do care and even if it’s hardly seen on me, I mind and regret seeing him sinking into the greatest lie in all of philosophy, you know “not-doing-anything” about his situation and just “waiting-for-something-to-happen” in his life.

As far as I’m concerned, your “Lolo” and “Lola” did not lack the modeling, the advice, the financial support and the spiritual guidance in giving him room to find his purpose/goal/meaning in life. 

However, I am aware and convinced that the reception or environment at home (which he himself created) is the least-venue for him to mend his brokenness.  I do know that he may project as a front the bogus-hard-shell of toughness and inciting of fear in hiding that “certain-soft-spot” inside but never did it served the purpose of concealing the hopelessness.  It may sound like I am condemning him already at this point but I do think he’s losing and fooling himself. He lacks the proper disposition, direction, conviction and motivation to change.

But, he is a man.  He has his own struggles.  He is facing a different battle.  For me to interfere with that is out of the question.   How else could I explain the harmony amidst the animosity between us?  Had it not been for that slight acceptance of his masculinity.

Personally, I am lost at words to describe this little brother—now an adult—that is your Dad but it isn’t always this way.  I do have a long list of his good qualities and so as to present a grain of truth on this side of the story, let me start by saying that he is the most caring man on earth.

Your Dad as mushy as it might sound prefers material things or giving gifts as his form of showing love.  Depending on the occasion, I observed that his love language in expressing how much he cares is through buying stuff and distributing gifts.  When its Christmas time, I am mostly surprised by the woman apparel or clothes that he buys for us.  For instance, let me tell you about the time when he had the PNPA training in Manila and I almost did not make it to Christmas because I attended the Leadership Training in Antipolo until the 23 of December.  I left Manila in the 24^th on a-day-trip so it was understandable that I had no gift to give to anyone but I reached home and received the most down-to-earth, simple guy expression of thoughtfulness. 

Add to that is his love of cooking for the family and I appreciate his efforts on that.  Not only is he a good-and natural cook but he is also an expert driver.  There was one incident in July of 2008 when we had a farewell party in the office for Ms. Botch (a work mate in Combank) and I have not informed them at home that I am coming so late. I literally found no one at home because all the while they were searching for me. With his leadership, they drove at the outskirts of the city hoping to find me somewhere.  Your Dad is a caring person more than what the outside may seem to exude.

Second, (and did I say long list), he has a natural gift of leadership.  We actually often fight because at home, both of us are aggressive and hard-headed.  So much for the adjective, but we do disagree a lot.  He has his own style and opinion and I have mine. I think that this it is an indication of being a leader because he knows how to follow but he also takes the time to lead. We end up in a compromise that he and I am willing to take.

He has his own version of comfortably doing things, and he’s humble to ask for help and admit his mistakes when needed.  Here’s a proof, when you were barely a year old in October 2008, you had asthma and we had to take you to the hospital. Dad accompanied Mom out-of-town and we were left home alone (of course we were with Lola Maria but she’s too old to assist).  With all the courage that he can muster, he asked help from me and acknowledged my importance by admitting that my presence gives him moral support. We ran to People’s Emergency Hospital to seek prescription and have the Doctor checked on you.

You were crying hard and I saw the desperation and pain in his face to see you in such anguish or discomfort.  My heart went out to him in pulling the strings of leading a family in his young age (he was 21), his responsibility as a Dad to you while still depending on my parents as being a full-time-student.

Lastly, for the purpose of not deviating to our topic which is supposed to be “niece-centered,” I’ll just mention that I can see him as a great man in the future.   It is his quality to be resourceful and he is constantly being molded in his capacity to provide and ability to protect.  He is a proud man to have a daughter like you and a partner like Grace.    

I will not delve on the vision but I’m saying this as a general comment.  The world has yet to see how this one-man, when he has found his purpose in life and give it all his best shot and commit to trust everything to God and do his part of the bargain, will live to inspire and leave a mark of significance. 

Now, were almost through with the ugly stuff.  Let me just add something with regard to your mother.  I think that she is quite a strong, very beautiful and industrious woman.  She managed to hurdle all the challenges of a young mother gracefully.  She grows more beautiful every year and I’m starting to think that she must be getting all the strength and boosting from you.  She is a changed woman not just in status but more on the character.

I can only say a little about your mom but I have nothing against her decisions.  Like her decision to go home (bringing you along) in Palawan and leaving us broken-hearted because you had to be so far away from us in the crucial years of your growing up stage. 

Grace is far from average, she is a combination of pulchritude and brain.  Her potentials and opportunities for a better life are wide and open.  But she clearly knows her priorities and she is right to personally attend to your upbringing.  She has her ambitions but she keeps it simple by facing the reality of her situation. I know for a fact that these dreams are all anchored to your well-being.  I wanted her to be happy and to choose to do the right thing for your family.  Should her parents influence her decision, I know that she is just honoring her relationship to them as guardians. 

 I also think I am not in the position to weigh the negative over the positive of your living in Palawan instead of staying here with your Dad in Tuguegarao so I’ll just keep that topic untouched. 

Finally, I can address my letter to you.  I do have a lot of expectations but never will I obliged you to live in another person’s standards so just grow.  

Enjoy your life as a toddler. Play, play and play. 

I have a lot of abstract words to say but for a start remember to say ‘thank you’, ‘I’m sorry’, and ‘I love you’ to people close to your heart.  

When you grow as a young girl, be very responsible.  And don’t give your mom too much hard time.  She has enough troubles of her own.  Nah, just kidding. Feel free to disclose to her.  She is your own best friend.  In one way or another, she has been into where you’re going so trust her wisdom.

Growing up, I know that we were not really that visible in your life but we do care. We love you.  You are important to us and please ask your mom to visit us soon.  You are the person we miss most.

With love and support,

Tita Bluebelle

"Wind Suck"

“You’re an adult now and the best thing about being an adult is that it starts even before you know it starts.  There are already a dozen decisions into it.  But this is what you need to know, girl. Your lifeguard isn’t watching you anymore.  You’re on your own now and the decisions you make now are yours and yours alone from here until end.”

In this article, we are defining “wind suck” as one who blows with the prevailing breeze.  It happens when a person starts confusing majority opinion with the right opinion.

A serious problem occurs when a person becomes a wind suck.  First, it denotes that the person is becoming a part of the culture of the mainstream society as opposed to the non-mainstream society, one that shall we say is based on the social norms.  To say whether this is voluntary or involuntary, advertent or inadvertently, conscious or unconsciously happening does not even justify the situation or the person.  It is a matter of taking things at face value without daring to be wrong in order to be right.  It is not doing anything.  It is simply going into the flow.  It is following the current.  It is called the “wind suck” phenomenon.

Second, based on the above-mentioned definition, a wind suck proposes a dichotomy of the right and the wrong opinion. In this case, the derogatory implication of the “one who blows with the wind” is identified as the majority opinion.  It also goes without saying that the right opinion is anything other than the majority opinion which is supposed to be the “wrong opinion.”  Here we see an inconsistency of the idea to isolate one’s self from the socially-constructed trap of not going beyond, not thinking out of the box, not trying to change the familiar, not daring to go against something that already exist.  Here the willingness to blend is sugarcoated with the belief that to conform is to be unquestionably being accepted.  Otherwise, a person is tagged with the social stigma of becoming a deviant.

Even the word “confusing” in the above-mentioned definition is problematic because it is in its basic premise already referred to as “labeling” or “stereotyping.”

Now let us debunk all the social science rhetoric and start taking into context the reality.   Case in point is the assessment of my present situation.  In layman’s term, do I qualify in the category (Ring the bells, it calls for an alarm) of a “win suck” person in my present job?  On the second thought, supposed I am or am not, how confident am I that I will not be (this is a double oh-oh) in the prospective job where I’m transferring to?

Assuming that I made the decision and that I’ll live to regret it, will my decision then be irredeemable or irreversible? 

As I am contemplating on the countless questions, I am flooded with a dozen more to clarify.  The difference between trying and failing or failing and trying is at least I did something, even if I end up in the same place.

Everybody changes, time passes and my promise, my potential is very fickle.  It might not be just there anymore.

To sum it up, I do not know when the best part of my life will begin.  This is the surprise I have yet to unravel.

What is She Like

Okay this one’s the part when I’m supposed to show pictures of us together so as not to be vague in the previous article.  I hope this pictures gave justice to what I’ve formerly written.

 Fr: Left to Right

Valerie, Vincent George, Xandred Anne,

Dexter, Dad, Mom, Vinazon, Angelic

with loving my loving Lola

 

     Brother BJ, Me and Ate Twinkle

Sis

She to others is an ordinary sister but to me she is special because she is my sister.

Probably the most influential woman in my life is her. We grew up together, studied together, lived together, struggled together, cried together, laughed together, dreamed together, set goals together, and depart ways together.  Being with her means that I have an elder sister, one that I am accountable to while she is responsible for me.

Certainly, having an elder sister does not mean we don’t live our separate lives.  It’s just that, like any other thing in this world, we are interdependent and the decisions that we make are intertwined, interconnected in the small parts of a larger picture.

One of the best things I love about her is that she always gives me room for space.  She encourages me to keep my individuality.  She does not dictate, does not try to change who I am, does not attempt me to conform to the norm, does not tolerate my foolishness and she does not impose rules on me.  She gives me time to grow and opportunity to learn. She accepts, understands, rebukes, advises, guides, leads, accompanies, supports and stays.

Since childhood, I am always insistent to change our course of path but my parents always thought there’s a wisdom in letting me stay close to her.   I see now that the’re right. 

In terms of attitude, temperament, personality and physical characteristics and  we are exact opposite.  She’s sensitive and emotional.  I’m more compulsive and unemotional.  I am organized and neat.  She lives in a topsy-turvey, “organized-mess” lifestyle. I am loud and outspoken, I think she’s shy and a bit reserved. She has a sense of direction. I do but I am open for change.  She is a self-sacrificing creature.  I am a selfish-self centered brute.  She cares. Sometimes, I don’t.  She  gives, I take.  She plans and sticks to it.  I plan and execute changes along the way.  I enjoy people, she uses people. I am smart and clever, she’s intelligent and diligent.  She’s thin, I’m endowed.  I have average height,she’s taller. 

But despite all these differences according to my opinion, I think that we do have most things in common more than what I would want to admit.  Sometimes, I see myself becoming reflective like her while she acts very dynamic. Other times I am prone to become more conservative and she suddenly becomes more liberated.   Its the sense of values and convictions, priorities and goals, sisterhood and friendship that binds us together.  She is my crony, confidante and best of all, my “devil’s advocate.”  Always probing, seeking, observing, minding, challenging and not stopping until I get out of my pretty “fun-filled-and-secure” comfort zone and start living a life. 

Okay, not all the time, sometimes I don’t appreciate intervention.  At least not the hustle and bustle of adjustment to a new set of environment.  On the second thought, I seem to enjoy and miss the thrill of adapting with a twist, the capacity to thrive, the politics of governance (wait, that’s a little too academic).  I am more adept to what she is suggesting. It’s what I am groomed to become or be a part of all these years.  My sis is making sense when she’s saying that “why don’t I try to work in the government service.”

So, were back to that point, the saga of a professional seeking her domain.  She showed me that I am not in my element.  This is becoming an issue for me and no matter how much I try hard not to mind, or think about it that much, I do have to make a decision sometime so I guess I’m dead.

Nah, just kidding.  Sort of, If I don’t make this decision, I’m really dead.  Chuckles.

 She, my sister, is one of a kind.  I’ll give this as tribute to her once I get nothing out of what she is suggesting.  And when I made that point of no-returning and she suddenly goes berserk because she’s not having it in her terms–you know I’m joining them in the workplace but initiating my own leadership style–I can’t think of any way to thank her but that she’s convinced me on this.

What an influence indeed.

Note: I really hope there’s a coherence in this article.  I can’t trace how’d we’d end up with that same issue.  This was not suppose to be related to any of that earlier plans. Anyway, so it was I’ll still publish. Darn! Oops, excuse me for the word. i INTEND TO HAVE A GREAT DAY AHEAD!!!

 Byem gotta go to work now.