Dilemma

I began creating this blogsite about September 2008 but I haven’t quite filled-up the pages yet.  I honestly lack the passion to write anymore than my life lacks the direction of its path.  Where am I heading and what am I doing to get there?  Pretty serious thought huh, just like a trajectory.  Right now, at this point, I’m having a turn-around.  And not that Im afraid to change the course of my career.  I’m resistant to what that change would take in-effect.  As a result, will I find myself in a better state?  Say, 2 years from now, would I regret my decision to resign.  Am I fit for the new job? That means do I have the potential, skills, qualifications, the technical know-how to perform well. Is it my line of interest?  Do i really want to exchange what I’ve got for something I am uncertain about.  I’m taking the risk and my principles are at stake.

Well, reason and discipline would dictate me that where I’m at right now is relatively okay.  By that I meant that I’m  not rich, certainly not  earning as much as a 5 or six digit salary but hey, I got permanent on December. I am entitled with a few benefits and a decent paycheck.  I go to work everyday without worrying much on what to eat and wear because I live with my parents and I’m basically living the contended life.  Except on days that I wanted to get home anytime and I can’t because I’m bounded by rules.  How pathetic of me to think that asking permission, in my age, in order to get home late is a measure of self-restriction.  Of course, I’m living with my parents and with that comes the responsibility and respect to submit under their authority.  But I’m not quite over with that yet. I still struggle with parent-daughter intervention on my decision making.  Especially with the shift of career that they are convincing  me to reconsider.

I grew up in a big family, brood of five siblings and my parents being both employed in the government service for over all my entire life, I think.  No plans of retiring yet.  As a background, my father is conencted with the PNP or Philippine National Police.  On the other hand, my mother used be in NMYC, now TESDA or Technical Education and Skills Development Authority.  She then transferred to DTI or Dept of Trade and Industry.  She ventured into politics in 2004 after two decades of public service and lost in the election, much to her disappointment but more of my relief.  And after my sister graduated in college and after a few semesters in law school, she decided to join the public service in 2007. What an influence and impact these close people had on my growing up years. 

Of course, I knew more than anyone who had or ever been in the government knows how the system work, or so I thought.  I definitely know that I am not in the position to say anything against or pro-public admistration but I am not the type to  keep my public opinion to myself.  So in times of  conversation and political issues at home, I don’t hesitate to share some of my public disgust and biased judgements.  I also openly talk about the good sides and I commend very few people I observe heading in that direction. In times, I have to verbalize what I thought I  think about the opportunity they__well my mother and sister for that matter_wanter me to take and for them to disparrove my rationale just causes me to get frustated.  Are they not listening to me or am I adamant to their opinions.  If parents are wise and they know wha’t best for their children, am I being disobedient to them?

I’m currently employed in the private sector–banking and finance– which I agree to be unstable given that  it is not my element. I’m a communication graduate which is far from what I am practising as admin-asst/executive secretary in the Philippine’s premier bank. But I’m here, I made it so far with not much of an achievement but with gradual significance.  I really do not intend to resign but i think the other side getting the nerve out of me.  Not that my sister and mother are so convincing but that if there is light in what they are saying and I’m tempted to try.  To see and explore for myself,afterall I can always start anew.  Even if the stakes are high and the demands are low, I know that if this one failed, I am resilient to always bounce back. Plus I have the tenacity competer and perseverance to endure.  With God’s help I can do this.

 So what or where is that again that I am heading?  My sister says that I’ll be taking the Board of Secretary position in the Office of the Government–oh yes, an LGU, Province of Apayao. She said that it is a civil service position with a permanent plantilla pertinent to my qualifications. 

Right now, I can only hope for the best and plan for the worst.  I still have a class to catch.  By the way, I am a public administration graduate student.

Bye, i know that it’ll make sense in the end.